Beth The Flower Girl (And The Other Future FG)

Living With A Temperamental Child

Hubby just commented this week how much more "stable" and "easy to manage" Beth has been lately.

Lest this makes my firstborn sound as if she were an out-of-control brat, let me hasten to add that she just happens to be a highly sensitive child with a strong artistic streak. She lives a rich life in her mind. She loves books, she loves drawing, she loves making things. She just doesn't necessarily want to share it with other people, so she can sometimes appear unsociable.

When she's not in the mood for company, she refuses to say hello or look people in the eye.

For an Asian parent accustomed to showing respect to one's elders, this can be particularly mortifying. I feel as if I have to constantly defend and apologize for her erratic behavior.

But Beth has her good days when she responds well to encouragement, hugs, and space. On Sunday, she shone at our church Give It A Go community concert, when she sang a solo for our family item.

I am learning to accept that she is the way she is, to go along with those things she responds positively to, and not to blame her or my parenting skills for every seeming departure from behavioral norms.

A Parenting Dilemma

I'm not overly fond of reading parenting books, but it looks like I'll have to hit the library soon.

I have a highly strung firstborn who won't look people in the eye or greet strangers (unless she's feeling up to it), whose emotions are completely out of control, who throws a tanty if she can't get her (music) notes right, who hates it when I attempt to enforce law-and-order over homework.

As a Singaporean brought up to respect my elders and do as I'm told, I struggle to understand what goes on inside my 7 y.o.'s mind. Sometimes I wonder if I'm too hard on her. At other times I wonder if she's missing an emotional chip.

There have been so many instances when she has just refused to say hello to a friend or friend's parent because she doesn't feel like it. It absolutely mortifies me. I am sure the unspoken question among the less generous will be: "What's wrong with your child?" or "Haven't you taught her any manners?"

I know my mum would give me a hard time if she were on the receiving end of her granddaughter's churlishness. She would say I haven't taught her well. :(

In contrast, my second-born is naturally cheery, full of smiles, and is an extrovert. She smiles nicely at strangers, chats with friends and relatives on the telephone even when she doesn't really know who she's talking to (she's two, after all) and loves to give and receive hugs.

I know I'm already displaying favoritism just by the way I describe my children. But how can I help it? One is likeable, and one is so...prickly. It's probably also a case of opposites attract. My firstborn is like me in nature: introverted, cautious, takes time to warm up to people. Over the years I've grown to be more open and curious and accepting, but there you have it. My firstborn manifests my natural self as it would be if I didn't make an effort to change. And my second-born has all the qualities I work hard to cultivate but still fall short of, just because I wasn't wired that way.

Aren't kids interesting?