A Parenting Dilemma

I'm not overly fond of reading parenting books, but it looks like I'll have to hit the library soon.

I have a highly strung firstborn who won't look people in the eye or greet strangers (unless she's feeling up to it), whose emotions are completely out of control, who throws a tanty if she can't get her (music) notes right, who hates it when I attempt to enforce law-and-order over homework.

As a Singaporean brought up to respect my elders and do as I'm told, I struggle to understand what goes on inside my 7 y.o.'s mind. Sometimes I wonder if I'm too hard on her. At other times I wonder if she's missing an emotional chip.

There have been so many instances when she has just refused to say hello to a friend or friend's parent because she doesn't feel like it. It absolutely mortifies me. I am sure the unspoken question among the less generous will be: "What's wrong with your child?" or "Haven't you taught her any manners?"

I know my mum would give me a hard time if she were on the receiving end of her granddaughter's churlishness. She would say I haven't taught her well. :(

In contrast, my second-born is naturally cheery, full of smiles, and is an extrovert. She smiles nicely at strangers, chats with friends and relatives on the telephone even when she doesn't really know who she's talking to (she's two, after all) and loves to give and receive hugs.

I know I'm already displaying favoritism just by the way I describe my children. But how can I help it? One is likeable, and one is so...prickly. It's probably also a case of opposites attract. My firstborn is like me in nature: introverted, cautious, takes time to warm up to people. Over the years I've grown to be more open and curious and accepting, but there you have it. My firstborn manifests my natural self as it would be if I didn't make an effort to change. And my second-born has all the qualities I work hard to cultivate but still fall short of, just because I wasn't wired that way.

Aren't kids interesting?