100 marks plus five

Beth seems to have come off her i-hate-chinese mountain.

This past week she has been calmer and more amenable to doing her homework.

On Sat when I picked her up from Chinese class, she sheepishly told me she got 80% for her 听写.

I asked what her best pal Jennifer got.

"100 marks, plus 5 extra for knowing how to write 黑."

I bit back on my urge to lecture, and simply asked how she felt about it, and what she planned to do about it.

The upshot was she decided there was nothing for it but to study (Chinese) every day, even when she's not in the mood.

And we agreed it would be a good idea if I gave her a mini-tingxie every day of the week. Say 5 phrases at a time.

And she would try to get at least 90% the next time.

Growing Older, Growing Closer

It's so exciting to watch the girls grow closer and find common play activities.

It used to be all fights, with Beth growling at mei mei for getting in her way or getting into her things, and J complaining that Beth wouldn't let her into their room.

When J tried to hug Beth, the latter would shy away. *Ouch* Thankfully J is not the thin-skinned type.

And Beth would never never of her own want to hug her little sister or show her any sisterly affection.

During a particularly challenging time, Beth was heard to voice her regret that she had prayed to Jesus for a baby sister.

Fast forward...

They're now 8 and 3.5 and the little one has grown enormously in her ability to take instruction, initiate play projects and be a good assistant to her big sister.

Sometimes they play cubbyhouse with cushions and blankets.

Or dressing up dolls (never thought I'd see the day Beth would take to dolls).

Lately it's making handbags from recycled paper. Plus tiny lip balm, lipsticks and all the bits that go into handbags.

The other day, Beth made J stick out her arm so she could measure her up and make her a handbag with a sling long enough to go round her shoulder. J walked around the lounge proudly, showing off her new handbag.

Just adorable. :-)

Magic Interruptions

J was watching Yo Gabba Gabba when suddenly, I heard the opening notes of a beloved song from my childhood. I dropped what I was doing and got in front of the TV to cuddle J and sing along.

It was a video clip of a Mr. Williams singing The Rainbow Connection with a band made up of enormous Jim Henson puppets and children on instruments.

I so LOVE that song, esp the version by Kermit the Frog on Sesame Street. It was almost an anthem for me in my teens.

The lyrics are so magical, they pull you into another world, a world of what might be and all you can be, and all that is good and pure and beautiful and noble.

I've heard it too many times to ignore it
It's something that I've gotta be
Someday I'll find it, the Rainbow Connection,
The lovers, the dreamers and me
la la la la la la la
la la la la la la la la...

Afternote
According to Wikipedia, Rainbow Connection was written by Paul Hamilton Williams, Jr. and Kenneth Ascher.

Parent in Meltdown

Another meltdown this afternoon from The One Who Hates Chinese. Again, triggered by a reminder to do her homework.

Now she hates jujitsu too.

She wants a day when she has no extracurricular activities at all. I guess there was always going to be this point, when she found 1.5 hours of music and 3 hours of Chinese too much for a Sat.

I am now contemplating letting her off Term 4 Chinese. We could call it a break - and hopefully next Feb she will have outgrown this phase and feel better about things.

My Perfect Parent half feels like this is the beginning of the end. If she's going to give up on Chinese at 8, what are the chances she will want to get back to it when she's a little older? And if she's allowed to give up so easily, how will this affect her attitude to studies and life in general?

My Compassionate Parent half feels this isn't a battle worth fighting. It's rupturing family harmony and it's just plain too hard to keep up every week. Maybe if I don't fight her on this, she will grow out of this phase naturally and want to come back to it when she is a bit more mature.

My 70 yo friend tells me my battles with Beth are because she is 8. That is apparently the age her son was when he drove her barmy with his tantrums, rebellion and smart-mouthing. But we're talking 8, not 13, I protested. If at 8 she has started to give me the grays, what's going to happen when she becomes a full-fledged teen?

Said friend had some practical tips. Make time to do fun things with Beth. Take her shopping for girly things. Go for a coffee together after Chinese classes. That will give her something to look forward to.

All wonderful ideas, which I wouldn't have thought up myself. All I know, and all I've been raised to do, is the top-down approach: scold, nag, threaten and insist. Now I have to learn to act against my natural instincts and be a completely different sort of mother.

The kind I wish I'd had.

Parental Failure

I feel so disappointed and helpless when Beth gets into one of her intractable moods and won't do as she is supposed to.

We just got into another fight this evening and I had to send her to the corner, which was all I could think to do. I was SO ANGRY. First she wouldn't do her Chinese homework. Then she practised Rock n Roll once, but refused to work on the tricky introduction, which she missed learning in class because she was ill last weekend.

Last week she threw a tanty in the changing room of the local pool. Right in front of a friend and her 6 yo daughter. The friend looked bemusedly at Beth carrying on about her pants getting wet, while I muttered threats under my breath, then gave up and sat and rolled my eyes as Beth displayed her worst self. What else could I do - scream at her in front of the dozens of other parents and children?

I said I was not re-enrolling her for Term 3.

The older she gets, the harder it is to make her see the practical consequences of her poor learning attitude. If she continues like this, I don't know what will become of her. She is already achieving below potential because she only wants to do what she wants to do (i.e. READ). She lacks that steady consistency and motivation, that inner drive to excel that Emily and Joshua J have displayed in music and academics. When I hear how well they are doing, I feel embarrassed that Beth is so lackadaisical. She has the smarts but she won't work for it.

This is NOT how a Singaporean child should be!

I wish some expert could advise me how to handle this child. Are personalities carved in stone? Will she always be this way? What will I do when she becomes a teen? What is wrong with her? Why does she act this way? She's setting such a bad example for J, and I don't wish to see J lose her innocence and starting acting up like her big sister. One brat is bad enough!

Postscript:
Despite being told that she will not get to go to Keely's for a play date, and that she will have to account to her dad when he comes home, Beth has taken the easy way out - and gone to sleep on the couch!
What will I do with this child???

How an LTCL student plays

Learning Parental Wisdom From A Non-Parent

Our house guest shared some honest insights about our girls after observing and interacting with them through the week.

About B, she says that we give in to her too much.

For instance, if B can't find her socks/school pants/jujitsu uniform, her first reaction is to ask Mummy for help. And Mummy (Daddy too) generally stops doing whatever she was doing to help find the missing whatever.

Two nights ago, A imparted a valuable lesson to B.

On my way out to pick up J from daycare, I told B to get dressed for jujitsu class. Instead, she went to Aunty Annie whining that she couldn't find her outfit.

A just looked at her and said, "So how?"

And didn't offer to help.

B was nonplussed, and after a few seconds, figured out what she was meant to do.

After searching a few different places, B was still unable to find said outfit. By now, she was getting panicky because A asked why she hadn't dressed like Mummy had asked her to.

B said she'd searched everywhere: the clotheshorse, the ironing basket, her closet...

Only then did A relent and offer to accompany her on her search.

Moral of the Story?

Hubby and I need to let go of our need to be "good" parents and let B experience what it's like to solve her own problems.
Otherwise she'll never learn. She'll be this "lembek" damsel in distress, always depending on someone else to fix things when she gets into difficult situations.

The Benefits of Having House Guests

The girls are very blessed to have Aunty Annie stay with us this week.

Annie is our friend from PLCMC back home and a regular house guest. Whenever she visits Melbourne, she stays at our place.

She is the best kind of house guest: blends in effortlessly, is completely herself, always knows the right thing to say to each person, knows when to be chatty and when you want to be alone, keeps herself occupied but always has time to play with the girls or to chat about things that are of interest to everyone.

As a sister in Christ, she shares insights picked up from her reading and life experience, challenges us to trust and obey, and warns of pitfalls (doing her Ezekiel "Watchman" duties).

I love how she draws the best out of the girls. Yesterday, she resolved a sibling quarrel over toys by asking Mei Mei what was in her heart and did she know that God could look into her heart and see what she was thinking?

According to Annie, Mei Mei evidently took the lesson to heart, because she looked very abashed and uncomfortable, and stopped bugging her sister to let her have the coveted toy.

Thanks to Annie, I have a willing helper and babysitter and my day goes more smoothly. The girls actually look forward to seeing Aunty Annie when they come home from school. They love hanging out with her because she lets them play with Talking Tom and brain training games on her iPhone. J brought home a drawing she'd done at daycare, and said it was for "my Aunty Annie". And Beth didn't need to be prompted to say hello when we picked her up after school. She actually SMILED when she said "Hello Aunty Annie". (Beth doesn't do smiles, except when she's with her friends.)

Now THAT is what you call Personal Power.

The First Solo Festival

Beth has just taken part in her first Yamaha Solo Festival.

It was a chance to watch other musicians - pianists mostly - in action and to establish how well Beth is doing for her age and grade level.

Some struggled with performance nerves.

Some were clearly pros who enjoyed having an audience.

And one or two (like the spiky-haired AMEB Grade 3 boy sitting next to Beth) were simply magnificent in technical competence as well as the level of expression they brought to their playing. You can tell they are made for greater things.

After seeing all these performers and hearing Beth stumble her way through Salter's The Swing and Mozart's Menuett, I hope Beth realizes that if she is to perform anywhere near the level of some of the better students, she had better WAKE UP HER IDEA and start putting in the hours.

Her tidak apa, 'no worries' attitude will simply not do.

Struggles Learning Chinese in Australia

Blew my top yesterday while trying to get Beth to complete her Chinese homework.

She literally had a meltdown: tears, tantrums, sitting on the floor wailing that she hated Chinese and didn't EVER want to go back to SG (where bilingualism is a must at school)...

Why is it so hard to teach my child her mother tongue in Australia??

Guess I already know. I don't even speak Chinese to her at home. And the learning environment at school is pro-monolingualism (pity Kevin Rudd's no longer the PM). They call other languages LOTE - Languages Other Than English! Latin is introduced only at Grade 3 and LOTE in Middle School. How to cultivate a love for language like that?

Was chatting with a couple of mums recently who are of Asian origin. My Japanese friend has initiated a home routine whereby her 8 yo gets up at 7 am every school morning and does 30 min of Jap language via Nintendo DS and textbooks that she specially orders from Japan.

My China friend makes her 8 yo do Chinese assignments everyday. That's on top of the Chinese homework that she already has to do. The daughter goes to the same Chinese school as Beth and has been getting top marks, despite dad being angmoh (the dad attends the Chinese class with her and pays separate fees as a mature student!).

I looked up Google today to track down a Nintendo DS game that might help. And found My Chinese Coach.

Could this be The Answer?