Friday Morning Hassles

This morning, I had no time to pack the girls' lunches, so I sent them off with lunch orders after a bit of internal wrestling with my inner voice (am I being a bad mother, shouldn't I make the effort and save some money).

We got to school at 8.50 and the 10 yo - the stickler for rules - insisted we report at the admin office so she and her sis could get their student diaries stamped with the Late Stamp. If it was me, I would've just sneaked them off to class quickly, but how can I tell my daughter that it's ok to disobey the rules right?

So we went to the office and joined this really long Q of stragglers. I felt like pointing out that in the time it took to Q and get the diary stamped, write in the name/date/class/reason for lateness in the book, get organized again and go to class, we could've gone straight to class and saved ourselves the hassle.

But we have to be consistent.

By the time I'd helped the little one fill in the form, her older sis had already disappeared. Probably she was still muttering "I'm so going to kill Jordanne for making us late" as she went.

J and I have an agreement that if she's late getting to school on a Friday morning, it means I don't get to read with her class.

Today was the first time I've had to enforce that rule, and she was a little bewildered when I bustled her off to class and made to leave. So I reminded her. She took it quite well, thankfully.

Being a preppie, J sometimes can't get her head around what she's supposed to do in the moment - get her water bottle out, get her satchel, put in her lunch order. She gets easily distracted, especially if she sees a friend. Today she was terrified she'd missed the lunch order run, and wanted me to go with her to ask her teacher about it. I had to nudge her along and encourage her to ask the question on her own. The poor thing had such a look of confusion on her face, and it's not the first time.

I've forgotten how school takes time getting used to. Learning to organize oneself is a challenge even for me sometimes, how much for a 5 year-old!

Snapshots at the 10-year mark

I love telling anyone - mums especially - that half of my parenting journey has been about learning from my children, as opposed to me teaching them stuff.

It's amazingly humbling how much I don't know and how much I've got it wrong.

My kids are a reflection of the best and worst in me. When I lose it on a bad day, it's not really about them - it's me confronting my own perfectionist streak and my insatiable desire for certainty, safety and significance, and not liking my reflection.

Right now, I'm battling my 10 yo who has decided she doesn't like piano and wants to give it up. Who thinks too much about sleepovers and parties and what her friends have that she hasn't got (DS, XBox, Kinect, and an endless assortment of iPhone apps that I refuse as a matter of principle to download). Who's bright and academically inclined, but also the most disorganized and ill-disciplined 10 yo I know. Who's volatile and bursting with pent-up injustices (real and imagined), jealous of the attention her little sister gets, and demands more time and one-on-one attention than I'm prepared to give.

I have what I think is a high-maintenance child on my hands.

I know I was pretty stubborn as a kid and I had many angsty moments as a teen, but I sure was never as much a handful as my firstborn is. At least I was a compliant child on the outside. She doesn't even pretend to comply.