Highly Sensitive People

I'm reading Elaine Aron's book The Highly Sensitive Child, which I picked up at the library because the title intrigued me.

I've always suspected that Beth is different from other children, but I couldn't put a finger on it. Now I know. She's highly sensitive.

Just like me.

That makes two HS persons under one roof. Golly.

It explains a lot though.

Like why she gets upset by changes.

And throws tantrums.

And withdraws into a shell when she feels overwhelmed, especially on meeting strangers and people she knows but hasn't seen in a while.

It explains some of the really mature and insightful things she says.

And her non-response to scoldings and punishments and threats. If we use humour or a story or some other indirect method, it seems to work much better.

It also explains why I sometimes feel so completely powerless when I have to deal with her erratic behaviour.

I'm a highly sensitive adult brought up in a non-sensitive, non-nurturing environment, where my feelings were not considered worthy and I was not encouraged to speak out. Until I read the book, I didn't even know there was a name for my type of personality. I thought I was just dysfunctional, a bit of a social misfit, the one who needed extra time to fit in in a group. I also thought there might be some deep personal loss to explain why I cry so easily when I read a sad story or watch a doco about other people's suffering. It seems I'm just highly sensitive and feel more empathy, that's all.

Now I am a parent to a HSC. I have to tread very carefully.

To respect my child and let her lead. How's that for someone who always did as she was told?

To accept my child as she is and not label her or allow others to pigeonhole her with unthinking comments like "She's shy" or "She's fussy".

I do not want to repeat the mistakes that were part of my childhood. I would not want to inflict such emotional pain on her.

I want to be a responsive parent and help my child grow into a confident individual with healthy self-esteem.

Most people here have been very understanding. They just say "She's the way she is" or "That's Beth" and that's that.

It's something I have to believe and practise, and to educate my relatives back home about.