Evidence of Growth

Have been re-reading Little Men by Louisa May Alcott.

If our children's behaviour is the sole measure of parenting success, then I am an epic fail in many ways.

My girls are in no way domestic like Daisy, polite like Demi or helpful with chores the way the boys and girls at Plumfield are.

And yet, God reminds me that He is ultimately in charge and that He has not left me to my own limited intelligence, self-discipline, confidence or parenting skills.

While we were in Adelaide over Christmas, my 12 y.o. surprised us all one day when, while strolling down Rundle Mall, she saw a Macca's outlet and turning to us, asked "Who wants a soft serve cone?"

Then she got her wallet out, took out a $2 gold coin and went in - by herself - and came out again with a tray of four cones, one for each of us.

A month ago, I would not have thought her capable of such generosity to her family.

Six months ago, you could not persuade her to go to the counter at Macca's and order something unless Dad or Mum was by her side.

Her impatience with and lack of affection for her younger sister has been impossible for us to correct, hard for us to witness and even harder for the latter, who is constantly wishing jiejie would be nicer to her, or that she might have a different jiejie.

But on this day, my 12 y.o. exceeded all our expectations and gave us hope that God is still speaking to her and that she is still listening.

Even if most of the time, she is in her own virtual world of Tumblr posts and 5SOS updates.

Platypus leaves a mark

So we visited Healesville Sanctuary on Saturday.

We were very specific in our goal: we wanted to see the koala and the platypus more than anything else.

As we left, I asked #2: "So would you like to be a zookeeper when you grow up?"

"I would like to be a Platypus Whisperer," came the reply.

As always, I am astonished by some of her responses.

Motivating a Lukewarm Child

Miss 7 appears to be responding well to my challenge to give a really good 30-minute piano practice. In return, she gets to play her favourite board game and have some iPad time.

Her trouble has been lack of motivation, lack of persistence and wanting to get it right the first time, and getting very frustrated and upset if she doesn't. Most times she plays a piece once, then stomps off if she doesn't like how it went. 

Wonder where that comes from, hmmm....

I have set her the challenge of getting an A+ for her piano exam in March. I explained to her that if she starts the new school year with a top grade for music, she will feel very good about herself. And the feeling will spill over into other areas of her learning, though I did not tell her that.

Post-School Report Family Discussion

Today I printed out my children's school reports, handed them over and asked what they thought.

Specifically, I asked where they could improve next year.

The 12 yo looked through her report and seemed pretty pleased by what she saw, and found "nothing bad" in her teacher's comments.

I said it wasn't about finding something bad but finding an area to improve in, and did she not notice the last paragraph where her teacher had commented that she was a reluctant contributor to class discussions???

"But I don't like contributing" was the reply.

So (once again) I had to explain that it wasn't about her and how she felt. It was about using her talents and abilities for something good and worthy. I told her that if she does nothing with her talents and abilities, it would be a shame and a waste of her potential. I also reminded her of the Bible verse that says "To whom much is given, much is expected."

Hopefully, this gets her thinking and leads to a positive change in behaviour when she starts high school in two months' time.

The 7 yo grinned with pleasure as she read out her teacher's comments. She has decided to aim for a Platinum Merit Award next year (she got Gold this year) and an A for Math.

Musical Evolution

Contentment is listening to #1 strumming the guitar to yet another new song.

The ease and speed with which she is mastering her new instrument is quite impressive.

Best of all, no one is telling her "You must" or "You have to" or making a big deal out of her progress, so she's just going full steam ahead, 100% passion-driven.

Total contrast to her piano and drumming days.

A huge lesson for this sometimes control-freak and perfectionist parent.

Let the child lead, and be there to support and encourage.

Sounds so easy, but embracing it daily is the challenge.

Awards Time: Dealing with a Child Who Hasn't Won an Award

It is the last week of school, which also means awards time.

#2 came home flustered and in tears because a classmate had got an award for doing well.

"The rest of us did well too, but we didn't get an award. It's NOT FAIR."

Without knowing what the award was for, it was difficult to know how to respond.

So I proceeded cautiously.

Perhaps the award was an encouragement for having to work harder than others to get to the same level of achievement?

#2 did not know, and the idea did not move her.

So I tried another tack.

Not everyone gets an award all the time, I began.

That didn't work either.

Eventually, the solution came from #2 herself.

"I think my fault is Pride," she reflected. "I get jealous when other people do well - I find it hard to be happy for them."

I was stunned by her revelation. It reminded of Jo March in Little Women and how she confessed to her mum that she couldn't control her temper and tongue no matter how hard she tried.

For a 7 yo to be this self-aware, I believe it means God is speaking to her in some way. This is a work of the Holy Spirit, not of man.

I followed her lead and added, "We all have faults, but God can help us with them if we ask Him."

She was apparently satisfied, because she nodded and went back to reading aloud a passage from the book she had been reading.

The incident got me thinking: how do I respond to the whole awards issue?
Do I say "it doesn't matter" in public, but privately feel affronted if my child misses out on being acknowledged when I feel they have done outstandingly?
Is this really about a search for significance?
Is it about me or about them?

So many questions, so few answers.

The tween is discovering a sense of social justice and how steeped in unfairness we are towards our fellow humans because of our own beliefs, values and assumptions.

She has much to say about gender stereotyping, racism, classism, homophobia, homosexuality, gender neutrality, white privilege, Mormonism etc etc.

She reads a lot of stuff on Tumblr and brings them up for random discussions around the dinner table.

I try to keep up, but some days I feel like a hamster that has fallen off the treadmill.

Thank God it is not I who ultimately determine her outcomes. God is Her Maker, and He knows the plans He has for her.

My job is to guide her into a right relationship with Him so that she will turn to Him as her Lord and Saviour and lean on Him for wisdom and discernment in all things.

In the meantime, I had best do some research on all the topics she has mentioned...